


So Much More To Live For

by payneberry



Category: Glee
Genre: Comfort, F/M, Future Plans, Oral Sex, Performance, Sexual Content, Singing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-14
Updated: 2012-05-14
Packaged: 2017-11-05 09:32:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/404909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/payneberry/pseuds/payneberry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jesse finds out about Rachel's NYADA audition he knows he can't sit by any longer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So Much More To Live For

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wikkit_key](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wikkit_key/gifts).



> For Cayla, my muse, for holding my hand through this whole process.
> 
> Special thanks to Kristen too. <3

It had been a long day. 

Vocal Adrenaline wasn’t the same as it had been two years ago, under Shelby Corcoran’s tutelage, and Jesse St. James had his work cut out for him. There were only two weeks left until Nationals in Chicago and these kids, whose names he hardly even knew, were not performing cohesively and they stumbled through most of the choreography. Jesse couldn’t see how this team, in this state, could take the title and without a title the boosters would be calling for his ass to be fired.

Failing again was the last thing he needed. 

Exhausted, he threw down his bag, pulled the last beer out of the fridge, and opened his MacBook Pro. He skimmed through his email, deleting spam as he went, as he came upon a message from an address he did not know titled “911 Rachel Emergency”.

Jesse’s heart caught in his throat. He had made a point not to think about Rachel Berry anymore. Since he had flown to New York to watch her Nationals performance and instead she had chosen that oaf, Finn Hudson, he swore he would accept her choice and leave her alone.

Hesitantly, he opened the email, trying to figure out who “khummel@wmhs.edu” was. He held his breath as he read:

> Jesse,
> 
> You’re the last person who I want to be emailing right now, but I think you should know that Rachel bombed her NYADA audition and has pretty much given up on going to New York. She won’t listen to anyone and you’re the only other person I can think of who might get through to her. 
> 
> Kurt
> 
> P.S.: She’s still engaged to my stepbrother so don’t try anything. 

Jesse’s head was spinning. Rachel had failed at her NYADA audition. That didn’t sound like the Rachel Berry he knew, but he never thought she’d be engaged before high school was over either.

When he had found out about her engagement back in February, he had almost called her. He wanted to tell her that he could make her happier — that they would be the power couple of Broadway in a way that she and Hudson could never be. He only stopped himself because he figured she was happy and since when was the coach of a show choir in Ohio a Broadway star? Instead, he had finished off a bottle of Jack Daniels and fell asleep with his shoes still on.

But this was different. Rachel could be happy without him; he knew that without a doubt. But Rachel without New York, without a dream, could not be okay. She’d had dreamt of Broadway since she was four years old and every second since then had been in effort to make it there and now she was just giving up. Something had to be done.

Jesse suddenly realized he was standing, with his hands clenched tight. He reached in his pocket and pulled out his phone, quickly dialing the number he had sworn to delete so many times. 

“Hello?” a groggy voice answered. 

Jesse looked at his wristwatch; it was only 7:12 pm.

“Rachel? I’m sorry. Were you sleeping?” he asked, puzzled. When they had been dating, Rachel kept a very strict schedule. Dinner ended at seven and after that was a half hour of vocal exercises, followed by a rehearsal of all the song she was currently working on for glee club. 

The voice on the other end of the phone coughed. “Um… yeah. Jesse?” Her voice suddenly startled. “Why are you calling? I’m not going to give you any information about New Directions’ set list. You should know better and considering it’s only two weeks until Regionals, you should already—“

“Nationals.”

“What?”

“Nationals is in two weeks, Rachel. Not Regionals.”

“Oh… I’m sorry,” a small voice answered. “I must’ve misspoke.”

Jesse felt his temper rising. “What happened to you, Rachel?”

“Nothing. What’re you talking about? I’m fine. I’m just… uh… tired.”

“Right. Rachel Barbra Berry is tired. That’s why you’re not planning on going to New York anymore, right? Because you’re tired,” Jesse said, failing to hold back the animosity in his voice.

“What?” She breathed. “Who told you?”

“Does it matter?”

“Look, Jesse, I don’t know how this is any of your business anymore. We’re not dating,” her anger rising to meet his.

He gritted teeth and took a deep breath. “This isn’t about me. And it isn’t about us, either. This is about you, Rachel. I just don’t understand how you can just give up. After you’ve worked so hard all these years. You’re just going to let one bad audition derail all your dreams? That doesn’t sound like you, so I want to know what happened to you?”

“Jesse…” He could her the tears in her voice and he immediately felt guilty.

“Rachel. I’m sorry… I didn’t mean—” 

All Jesse could here on the other end of the phone was sobbing.

He quickly walked to the door, grabbed his keys and headed out.

“I’m going to be there in twenty minutes, Rachel.” 

“I… What?” she managed through wet sobs. 

“I’m going to be there in twenty minutes and if you don’t want your dads to ask questions, I suggest you’re waiting outside so I don’t have to ring the bell.”

“Jesse, you can’t.”

“I can and I am, Rachel.” He let out a sigh, calming his temper. “Listen, it’s going to be okay, I promise. Just be ready.” He hung up and shoved his phone back into his jeans’ pocket. 

As he pulled up to her house in his Range Rover, he was pleased to see she was sitting on the front steps, fiddling with her fingers. She was wearing a small pair of purple sleep shorts and a t-shirt that read “1998 All County Dance Troupe”. Her hair was in messy braids piled on top of her head and her face was still red from crying earlier. Even so she looked as beautiful as he had ever seen her.

He slowly stepped out of the car and walked over to her. She looked up at him and – to his surprise – she smiled.

“Hi, Jesse. What are we doing?”

“Hi, Rachel. Um… I haven’t really thought about it yet. Is there somewhere you’d like to go?”

She shook her head. “No.”

“Okay, come on, we’ll figure something out.” He reached out his hand to help her up, but she refused and pushed up off the step herself. They walked towards his car together and she let him open her door for her.

“Thank you.”

“You know me, always the shining example of chivalry,” he said with a smile.

She laughed lightly. “Yes, I remember. But that’s not what I meant. Thank you for coming to see me. I don’t know why, but I appreciate it a lot. To be honest, I think everyone else has given up on me.”

“I’ll never give up on you, doll,” he replied lightly, ignoring the tone in her voice, as he closed the door and walked around to the other side of the car. He gracefully climbed into the driver’s seat and turned the key in the ignition. He stepped on the gas and quickly made a left out of her neighborhood.

Rachel eyed him suspiciously. “I thought you said you didn’t have a plan. Where are we going?”

“I’ve just had a stroke of genius. You’ll see.” He winked at her and she smiled despite herself.

“Whatever you say, St. James.”

They drove in silence for a few minutes as Jesse turn on the radio and got onto the highway.

“So do you want to talk about it?”

“Talk about what?” Rachel said, twirling that insufferable ring.

“You know what. Your NYADA audition.”

“There’s not much to tell, Jesse,” she exhaled. “I forgot the words. I choked. That’s it.”

“I know what happened, Rachel. But do you want to talk about how you’re feeling?”

She shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. It’s over. I’m not going to NYADA. I’m not going to New York. I just have to find something else to do but I don’t really want to think about it right now.”

“Rachel,” He started. “You can’t just give up. You’re made for Broadway. Maybe you don’t need NYADA, but you need New York and, to be honest, I think New York needs you too. It seems all the young Broadway stars are getting their own TV shows.”

She laughed quietly. “Yeah, and they all suck.”

“Right? “Smash”? That is not how a musical gets made at all. And you know how I live for drama, but that show has become an all-out soap opera. Poor Megan Hilty. So much wasted potential,” Jesse cleared his throat, realizing he was getting of topic. “Which is something that I don’t want to happen to you, Rachel. There’s no other option for you. It’s the only thing you’ve wanted since you—.”

“What are we doing here?”

“Ah, that’s the surprise,” Jesse said, as he pulled into a parking space in a deserted parking lot.

“But it’s after hours. No one’s here. It’s probably locked.”

Jesse pulled the keys out of the ignition and jingled them. “You forget who you’re with.”

“You have… why do you have keys to Western Ohio High School’s auditorium?” Rachel asked dubiously. 

“I have keys to all the local high school auditoriums. I like to keep an eye on things. And sometimes I like to surprise my team and make them perform on stages they’ve never been on before. It keeps them on their toes.”

Rachel looked at him skeptically. “That doesn’t seem very fair, Jesse.”

He laughed. “Who ever said it was fair?” 

He opened his door and went around to help her out. She accepted his hand as she stepped down from tall vehicle. Jesse glanced down at the diamond ring again. Frustration rose inside him at the though of Hudson sliding that gaudy thing onto her perfectly manicured finger. How could Rachel Berry settle for such a thing? He looked up and met her eyes to see a fire hiding behind the sadness staring back at him. After a few seconds had past, her grip tightened on his hand, pulling him out of her depth. He quickly dropped her hand. 

“Um, we should get inside.”

Rachel looked dazed as she stared at the hand that had just been holding his. “Okay,” she said quietly. She looked back up at him and smiled. “Show me this ingenious plan, St. James.”

Together they walked towards the front of the school where Jesse unlocked the door that led into the auditorium’s lobby. He held the door open for her and she entered in front of him.

“You know, this is the very first place I ever saw you,’ Jesse said, as they walked next to each other into the auditorium itself and he flipped on the house lights. “You burst through these doors and sang a beautiful, albeit flawed, version of ‘Don’t Rain on My Parade’. It wasn’t perfect, but you were.”

“Jesse…” Rachel started. “I don’t really want to talk about that song.”

“You need to, Rachel. You can’t pretend it didn’t happen. You’re too good to let this speed bump stop you.”

“Speed bump?” She raised her voice. “Jesse, it wasn’t a speed bump. It was a fucking brick wall. It was a brick wall and it shattered my dreams and that’s it. I don’t know who I am without them but they’re gone and I have to live with it.” Rachel choked back tears as she sat down in one of the red plush auditorium chairs.

Jesse sat down in the seat beside her and put his left arm around her shoulder. She buried her tear soaked face into the crook of his neck and continued sobbing. He stroked her hair, tucking a loose strand behind her ear. 

“Rachel Berry, I promise you, you are never going to have to live without your dreams,” Jesse said as he laid a tender kiss on her temple.

Her breathing was starting to even out as she pushed closer seeking comfort. Finally she looked up at him.

“How come you’re doing this, Jesse? Why do care if I ever make it to Broadway or not?” she questioned, drying her eyes on the collar of her t-shirt.

Jesse stared at her fixedly, pulling away from her. “You want the truth?” 

She nodded.

“Because I love you.”

“Oh…” she said, looking down at her hands.

“I’ve never stopped loving you, Rachel, from the moment that I saw you right here. I don’t know what it is about you, but you’ve got a fire inside of you that cannot be denied. Believe me, I’ve tried.”

She looked at him intently, like he was a puzzle that needed to be solved and in a split second her lips were on his.

Jesse leaned into the kiss, parting her soft lips with his tongue, as his hand came up to cup her face. Rachel deepened it, moaning into him. He quickly pulled away.

“Rachel…” Jesse caught his breath. “What about Finn… your fiancé?”

She looked disgruntled. “Finn has been… kind of weird about this,” she said finally.

“What do you mean, ‘weird’?” 

“I don’t know. I think he’s kind of happy about it, honestly.” She caught the incensed look on Jesse’s face. “Okay, maybe ‘happy’ isn’t the right word. Maybe relieved? I think he’s always been a little put off by my goals, like he’s afraid one day I might overshadow him. He even told me once that he didn’t want to be the guy behind me holding my purse.”

Jesse laughed disdainfully. “You _will_ overshadow him, Rachel. There’s no question about it. You’re going to overshadow everyone in this town. It’s kind of amazing to me that he hasn’t figured that out yet. Then again, he has always been a bit dense.”

Rachel glared at him. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to insult your _fiancé_ , but you were the one who kissed me, if I recall correctly.”

She looked down, pulling at a loose thread on the hem of her shirt. “I know. I just… I don’t think Finn is ever going to believe in me like you do – like I did.”

He stood up suddenly. “Nuh uh, Rachel, none of that past tense crap. Come on, get up.” 

She stood and stepped out into the aisle. He led her up to the stage, climbing up the hidden stairs on stage right. 

“You stay right here,” he said, leaving her in the middle of the dark stage. He ducked behind the curtain on stage left. Finding the light box, he flipped a few switches and climbed down the stairs. He took a middle seat in the front row gazing up as the spotlight shone through Rachel untidy hair. She never looked more beautiful than when she was center stage. 

“Sing, Rachel.”

“Jesse,” she started, “I haven’t done any vocal exercises for the past three days. I can’t.”

“Sing ‘Don’t Rain on My Parade’,” he said, ignoring her protests. “Sing it as if this theatre is full of people and it’s the opening night of the _Funny Girl_ revival you’re going to star in.”

Rachel stood center stage yet she made no sound.

“Just do it, Rachel,” Jesse shouted up to her.

Quietly she closed her eyes and turned her back. He thought she was about to storm off the stage, but instead she turned back to face the empty theatre dramatically and starting singing. 

Her voice was the most beautiful sound he had heard. Her face radiated, full of life. His well-trained ears noticed a sharp note or two, but he ignored them. She sang with an emotional depth she had lacked the first time he had heard her sing, breaking out of the sadness that had seemed to have grasped her since he had picked her up. 

Jesse watched in awe, falling impossibly more in love with the girl on stage, as she belted out the final notes.

He stood, applauding, as Rachel made a small curtsy. “Jesus, Rachel, that was… you were perfect.”

She smiled down at him as he made to join her on stage. 

“Can you really tell me you’re ready to give that up?” he asked, when he finally came to meet her. He saw a glimmer on her cheek and realized she was crying. He ran his thumb under her eye, wiping away the tear. “Hey, Rach… what’s that for?”

“You’re right,” she spoke softly.

“Excuse me, I didn’t quite hear you,” he teased. 

She swatted at his chest. “I said ‘you’re right.’”

He laughed and pulled her closer. “Of course I’m right. I’m Jesse St. James. And more importantly, you’re Rachel Berry. This is written in the stars.”

She leaned into his embraced and looked up to meet his eyes. “You know this is written in the stars for you too, right?”

“Rachel… I…” Jesse started.

“No, listen, you believed in me and now it’s my turn to believe in you.” She pulled away from him slightly. “Is coaching Vocal Adrenaline really what you want to be doing with your life right now? What happened to LA, Jesse?”

He shrugged. “Some things don’t work out,” he said, looking down at his feet.

“You mean like how my NYADA audition didn’t work out?”

“It’s different, Rachel…” he began. 

“How is it different? You’re a star, Jesse. You’re a bright shining supernova and the people of western Ohio are never going to appreciate you.”

“Rach…”

“I believe in you, Jesse,” she said as she leaned up and kissed him, sliding her arms around the back of his neck. 

He placed his hands on the small of her back, pressing her against him. His lips softly caressed hers before he pulled back slightly to look her in the eyes. What he saw there was pure fire – the sadness completely vanished. 

Quickly his mouth returned to hers, fiercer than before. Jesse hands slid up her back, griping her tighter, as Rachel curled her fingers in his hair. She caught his bottom lip between her teeth and Jesse let out a deep moan. 

He hastily grabbed her around the waist, as she wrapped her legs tightly around him, and walked her back to the piano sitting upstage. He set her down gently as his lips left hers to nip lightly along her neck. Her breathy moans sent fire down every one of his nerves.

Jesse could feel his pants grow tighter as Rachel reached down between them towards his pants zipper. He groaned against her before pulling away to look at her. 

“Rachel,” he managed through deep breaths. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

She nodded, eager to continue.

“What about Finn?”

She met his gaze dead on. “Finn doesn’t support me. He would never have done this. I deserve better,” she said firmly, hands lingering on his waistband.

He smiled and kissed her, leaning his forehead against her. 

“I think maybe you should get rid of that thing on your finger then,” he said, looking down at the ugly ring. 

“Oh,” Rachel laughed, slightly embarrassed. She fumbled with the piece of jewelry and set it down on the piano keys. “Okay?” she asked, seeking his approval.

“Perfect,” he said and his mouth immediately covered hers again. He entwined his fingers with her and led her hands down to their previous destination. 

She fumbled with his zipper, feeling the hardness underneath. Jesse groaned as she made contact. 

“Wait,” he said, as he pushed his hands past hers, removing her shirt in one quick motion. His cock hardened instantly as he gazed down at her bare breasts. He dipped his head down to catch one of her nipples between his teeth, feeling it rapidly constrict in his mouth. His lips explored her chest, licking at her clavicle, before roughly capturing her mouth again.

Jesse hands roamed her body, feeling the goose bumps that had gathered along her back. His fingers ran along the waistband of her shorts, gently teasing the soft skin beneath. 

“Jesse, please,” she moaned against his neck.

Never one to deny Rachel Berry, Jesse slipped his hand below her shorts, feeling the wetness that had gathered between her legs. She bucked her hips against his hand, relishing the friction. His fingers skillfully found her clit, making her tremble below him. He kissed roughly along her jaw line as his hand rocked against her. 

Slowly, Jesse pulled his hand away from her.

“What are you…” she started before his lips were on hers.

He deftly lifted her hips and slid her shorts and underwear down her legs. He looked down at her naked body for the first time. The spotlight highlighted her every curve. 

She did not shy away and met his gaze forcefully.

“Well, this seems unfair,” she stated, pulling his t-shirt up over his head. 

He chuckled deeply before his mouth was on her neck again. He fervently kissed his way down her throat, biting at collarbone. His finger scratched at her back passionately, causing Rachel to let out a soft moan.

His kisses trailed between her perky breasts, pausing to give her right nipple a firm squeeze, before his mouth roved her lower stomach. He looked up at her mischievously before his slid his fingers between her legs again, finding even more heat than before. 

Rachel moved against his hand before Jesse spread her legs further apart. He ducked his head between them, sprinkling playful kisses down her pubic bone. 

She pulled away slightly. “No, Jesse, you don’t have—”

“Shh, Rach… this is about you, remember?” he said as he inserted two fingers into her, his mouth found her clit, sucking at it gently. 

Rachel reeled her hips against him, seeking more pleasure. She moaned loudly, tangling her fingers into his hair, bringing his mouth closer to her. He added a third finger, feeling her tightness, as his tongue slid against her. 

She was insatiable. Jesse felt his still covered cock harden impossibly more. He used his free hand to pull himself out of his pants, while still giving Rachel the attention she demanded. 

Jesse could sense her orgasm building. Her breaths became more ragged, as she bucked her hips against him desperately. He curled his fingers forward inside of her. Finding the right spot, she unraveled beneath him, hips thrusting forward.

His fingers lingered inside her, riding out her orgasm, as he sought her lips. She kissed him fervently, running her tongue along his. 

As she came down, he removed his fingers, continuing to kiss his fiercely. He began to fumble with his jeans, before her hands reached out and pulled them down by the waistband. Jesse quickly kicked off his shoes and shed the unwanted clothing. Her hands were on him, stroking, as he let out a low moan.

Jesse seized Rachel by the arms, bringing her up and closer to him, mouths pressing together. Gracefully he laid her down on the stage, grabbing his previously discarded t-shit, to place under her head. 

He took himself in hand, running his cock along her, collecting an abundance of moisture. He pulled his head up to look at her. Her hair was splayed across the stage, reflecting the spotlights; her mouth was a soft pink, eager for his to return. She looked up at him, meeting his gaze directly, urging him, as he pressed himself into her. 

Rachel’s fingers wound in his hair, pulling his mouth onto hers. She was tight around him, and so slick, as he thrust his hips against her. Soon she rose to meet his thrusts, synching perfectly. He placed his hand on her chest firmly, playing with her taut nipple. He ducked his head down to take it in his mouth, sucking hard. 

Jesse could sense her orgasm building as her moans became louder and her hips keened desperately. He reached his hand between them, finding her clit. Her breath caught as the friction and his thrusts brought her to her second orgasm. His was close behind her, sent over the edge as she tightened around him. 

He collapsed on her, his lips kissing lightly at the crook of her neck, as he lingered inside her. Their breathing was both hard as they recovered.

Shifting off of her, he pulled her to him so her head was resting on his chest. She placed her lips lightly on him as she wound her body around his, refusing to let him go. They lay together listening to the soft sounds of each other’s breathing as Jesse ran his fingers through loose strands of her hair. 

As she curled up closer to him he could feel his heart overflowing. She was perfect in every way and he couldn’t imagine being without her again – not after tonight. He had already given her up for that stupid National Title and he wasn’t about to make the same mistake twice.

“Rach?” he asked quietly, fearing she had fallen asleep on him.

“Hmm?” she murmured.

“What do you think of me moving to New York in the fall?”

She perked up onto her elbows and studied his face. “But what about LA? I thought California was your dream.”

He sat up, wrapping his arm around her back. “It didn’t work out. I have too many bad memories of that stupid sunny state. I figure in New York, I could have a second chance. What better place, right?”

She arched her eyebrows up at him suspiciously. “This isn’t for me, right?” Rachel asked pointedly.

“Would you be upset if I said it was?” Jesse asked.

She looked down, hands covering her naked breasts. “I don’t know, Jesse. I don’t even know how _I’m_ getting to New York yet.”

He cupped her chin in his hand, looking her in the eye. “Rachel Berry, I promise you, you will make it to Broadway no matter what,” he said without a hint of derision. 

She smiled widely. “Okay,” she began, “if we’re both going to New York we’re going to need to look at apartments. I was thinking Hell’s Kitchen, but if you like Tribeca better we can look there. Or Brooklyn Heights. It’d probably be cheaper but then we’d have to take the subway. I guess we’d be taking the subway anyway. I don’t know of you’re interested in going back to school. You can take a look at some of the brochures that I still have in my New York box—”

He cut her off with a laugh. “Rachel, I know you like to meticulously plan out everything and you know how much I adore it. But maybe this conversation can wait until we’re not sitting in the middle of the Buckeye Civic Auditorium. And naked, at that.”

“Sorry,” she said, blushing.

“No, don’t ever apologize for prudence,” he said, kissing her forehead. “But we should probably get out of here. I’m surprised no one’s walked in on us, what with those insane noises you make.”

“Jesse!” she shrieked and batted at his bare chest. 

“Come on,” he said, getting up and then reaching a hand down to help her. She grasped his hand firmly, meeting his eye line.

“Thank you,” she said quietly. Jesse sensed she meant for more than just a helping hand.

“I told you I’d do anything for you.”

They silently redressed themselves, taking a few extra minutes to locate Rachel’s shorts and underwear, which were somehow wound up behind the back curtain. When they had finally put themselves together, Jesse caught a glimpse of something shining off the keys of the piano. He picked it up, rolling it between his thumb and forefinger. 

“Oh,” he heard Rachel gasp as she saw what he was holding.

“Yeah.” He walked over to her and placed the ring in her open hand.

“I’ll take care of him tomorrow,” she said quietly as she stuck the ring into the small pocket on the back of her shorts. She took his hand in hers.

“Okay,” he said, kissing the top of her hair.

“And then we’ll plan of the rest of the summer and into the fall. Figure out housing, career paths, budgeting.”

“It’s all going to work out, Rach. I promise,” he said as they walk out of the auditorium, hand in hand.

“I know,” she said. “You, me, and New York? It’s an inevitability.”

**Author's Note:**

> Concrit is always appreciated.


End file.
